Couples Therapy: How can it help us?

Relationships are a hallmark of the human experience. As a social species, we are hard-wired to bond with others, not only as a way of surviving in the world, but as a way of making meaning within our lives. It is through our relationships that we experience the power of human connection. 

If we think about relationships as an intimate emotional bond that tether people together, it is no wonder that when couples face challenges in their relationships, they can experience a deep emotional turmoil as a result. When the emotional bond becomes threatened, frayed, or ruptured, couples can experience significant distress that can leave them feeling stuck and helpless. 

Therapy can be incredibly beneficial at helping couples navigate the pain and uncertainty of relationship distress. A couples therapist will tune in to the experience of the couple to understanding the problems they are facing, and map out the cycle of disconnection, helping each person to understand not only more about their partner, but also about themselves. 

By nature, couples therapy is incredibly adaptable to address a wide array of difficulties that couples face in their relationships. Some common experiences that couples therapy can help with include:

• Communication breakdowns
  • When couples find themselves stuck in patterns of disconnection that centre around ‘communication’, couples therapy helps to dive beneath the words and understand the emotional mechanics that keep disconnection alive. Therapy can help couples shift their perspective from cycles of blaming, to facilitating a deeper understanding of the pressure points in their dynamic. Couples therapy can help to disrupt the negative patterns of communication and form new ways of communicating vulnerably within the relationship that foster emotional connection and responsiveness. 

• Infidelity and betrayal
  • Infidelity and betrayal exist in all shapes and sizes, though the impact is universally painful. Couples therapy views infidelity (cheating) and betrayal as ‘attachment injuries’ – acts that have a wounding impact on the fabric of the relationship. When a partner has experienced an attachment injury, emotional safety can feel compromised, and the partner that resembled emotional safety becomes a figure of distrust, destabilising the sense of security in a relationship. A couples therapist will meet the couple in the crisis of betrayal, providing a safe haven to explore and process the pain and uncertainty that surround it, helping to reshape secure bonds over time. 

• Sex and intimacy difficulties
  • Across the lifespan of a relationship, couples will navigate variations in sex and intimacy that can often prompt couples for therapy. These can include changes to sexual frequency, satisfaction, varying sexual interests, sexual difficulties like pain and discomfort or erectile concerns etc. A couples therapist can help partners understand what factors contribute to difficulties surrounding sex from a multitude of angles, and safely and sensitively help couples to rekindle their sex lives.

Regardless of the reason you’ve been considering couples therapy, below are some useful tips to reflect on as you think about whether it is the right time for your relationship.

1. Does our relationship feel like we’re going in circles, repeatedly navigating cycles of disconnection without long term resolution?
2. Have we attempted to change things within the relationship over time but still face disagreement and conflict?
3. Are we navigating a deeply painful event in our relationship that feels too big for us to hold and we need help? 
4. Are we finding it hard to break patterns of previous relationships that keep us feeling stuck? 

At Integral Psychology, we understand that taking the first step to starting couples therapy can feel daunting and uncertain, which is incredibly normal. If you’ve been considering couples therapy, get in touch with our warm reception team who can support your journey to getting started. 

By Mitch Doyle

Psychologist – Integral Psychology